So the other day I was thinking–If I had a Tinder profile (which I don’t. I mean, I did, but I deleted it, so I don’t have Tinder anymore… listen. THIS IS A JUDGE FREE ZONE, OKAY??), it would look a little something like this:
“Hey 🙂 I’m a 32 year old, single female. I’m a free-spirited Aquarius, who is passionate about helping others and I love dancing and traveling. Oh, and I’m 4 months pregnant.”
Not exactly the type of profile that would catch a keeper’s attention, except for maybe the middle-aged white dudes who were into that sort of pregnant-chick-fetish type of thing…hence the reason I have since deleted my dating apps. Along with my expectations of even dating anytime in the near future. Because let’s be real–the majority of guys out there can’t even commit to a woman, let alone immediately sign up to be a step-daddy to a child that isn’t his.
So here I am: just barely 32 and pregnant to a guy that I (embarrassingly) met on Tinder (reason #432 why I deleted my profile). A guy who I thought had it all–brains, looks, and money–only to find out he not only didn’t want to be in my baby’s life, but he harshly accused me of “tricking him into having a child” (yes, because I was just so sad and lonely in my life that I thought a BABY was going to fix it all…ugh) and then proceeded to try and guilt me in to having an abortion. And then when I firmly informed him that I could never live with myself for the rest of my life if I had an abortion, he then decided to berate me by telling me all of the reasons why he felt it would ruin MY life by having this child, that he claimed I couldn’t take care of alone.
In other words, he was angry at me because he messed up and instead of owning up to his mistake, he wanted to blame someone else because now, as the CEO of a company, it would make him look bad to have TWO children to TWO different women.
To which I responded, “I can’t make a baby all by myself”. And that it sounded like a personal problem to me if he didn’t want to man up and take responsibility for his actions like a true man would.
But anyways, I didn’t start this blog to bash the father of my child, nor did I start this blog for self pity. I made a decision as a woman that I wanted to keep my child, regardless of the circumstances. Because no matter what happened, every single day of my child’s life, they were going to know that I CHOSE them. I had a choice, and I chose THEM.
No matter how difficult this journey may be, no matter how many bumps I encounter along the way–I truly believe in my heart that God gave me a gift greater than life, and who was I to throw that away? So I accepted the challenge.
And in the midst of the chaos, the emotions and the fears, I realized that there are other women out there like me–pregnant, single, maybe a little bit scared but a lot more self-assured and confident of their decision–that just want to know they’re not alone. Because even in my strongest moments, I still want to know that I’m not alone. I want to have a place where I can share my experiences, my tears, and my journey of motherhood with others who may need to hear that someone else is going through it too. Or maybe this blog will come across women who have been here before and can offer me some words of wisdom and hope.
So mamas, single or married, young or old, new or experienced, this blog is for you.
This blog is for US.
I hope you’ll follow on my journey of the Solo Mama Saga as I open my heart to you about my first time experiences as a single mother. And as much as it will help me to share my experiences with you, I hope that this blog can help a few of you along the way, too.